A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, … then 155, … Suddenly he thought, “I’m too old for this nonsense !” So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before, why you were speeding… I’ll let you go.”
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- “Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.” !!!
The Cop left saying, ” Have a good day, Sir “…
With a pile of 300 resumes on the desk and a need to quickly pick someone, the HR Manager asked the recruitment team to call bottom 50 and toss the rest. “throw away 250 resumes”.
They asked, “What if the best candidates are in there…??”
The HR Manager said: “You have a point but then, “I don’t need people with bad luck!!!” 😉
Once I asked my friend, “What is the secret behind your Happy Married Life?”
He said “You should share responsibilities with due love and respect each other. Then absolutely there will be no problems.”
I asked “Can you explain?”
He said “In my house, I take decisions on bigger issues where as my Wife decides on smaller issues. We do not interfere in each other’s decisions.”
Still not convinced, i asked him “Give me some examples”.
He said “Smaller issues like, which car we should buy, how much amount to save, when to visit the super market, when & where to go on vacation, which sofa, air conditioner, refrigerator to buy. Monthly expenses, whether to keep a maid or not etc. Are all decided by my wife. I just agree to it ”
I asked “Then, what is your role?”
He said “My decisions are only for very big issues. Like whether America should attack Iran, whether Britain should lift sanctions over Zimbabwe, whether telangana should be formed or not, whether Dhoni should retire from Cricket , Whom should Salman Khan Marry. etc etc. and do you know, my wife; NEVER, objects to any of these decisions”…
Woman – Ambulance service (AS) ? It’s urgent please.
A.S – What happened, Madam?
Woman – Coffee fell on my saree while drinking.
A.S – Are you really looking for an ambulance for this madam?
Woman – Actually my husband laughed at me.
Got it Madam, ‘ll be there in two minutes.
THE DISCUSSION BETWEEN TWO GHOSTS _ _______,
Ghost 1: Hey
Ghost 2: Hey
Ghost 1: How did you die??
Ghost 2: I was mistakenly locked up in a refrigerator. At first, i was chilling, then, i started freezing, and then, i couldn’t breathe again… i died of suffocation.
Ghost 1: Wow…. what a sad way to die.
Ghost 2: Yeah. How did u die?
Ghost 1: I died of heart attack.
Ghost 2: What happened?
Ghost 1: My wife cheated on me. i came back home and saw a man’s pair of shoes. then, i rushed to the bedroom and met only my wife there. . i knew there was a man in the house coz my neighbor told me. and the man was still in the house as my wife was scared. so, i started running and searching the whole house. i searched in the kid’s room, kitchen, toilet, bathroom, wardrobe and dinning. i couldn’t find him and i was very tired of running, so i got a heart attack.
Ghost 2: IDIOT!!!! If u would have checked the refrigerator we would both be alive now!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂
Papa – ☺ Whom u like more Muma or Papa..??
Kid – 😒 Both
Papa – 😐 No tell me 1..?
Kid – 😒 Both
Papa – 😉 If i go to America & Your Mother go to Paris .Where will u go.?
Kid – 😒 Paris..
Papa – 😕 It Means You Like Your Mother..?
Kid – 😒 No, Because Paris is Beautiful than America..
Papa – 😌 If i go to Paris & Your Mother goes to America so Where will you go.??
Kid – 😒 America..
Papa – 😳 Why.?
Kid – 😏 Paris to Ghum Aaye
Papa – 😡 Jaa oye Maa deya Chamcheya 🍴 Jaa School Jaa…
Dedicated to all Moms😂😂😂😂
Lady patient to the Doctor inside his examination room “Doctor can you please call my husband inside, I am not feeling comfortable. ”
Doctor – “Trust me lady, I am a Doctor & I am a Gentleman.
Lady patient – “No that’s not the issue. Your receptionist is alone outside and my husband is neither a doctor nor a gentleman…He is an engineer!!!!!!
A drunk Bengali Babumoshai enters a bar orders a drink and yells: “Hey, you wanna hear a Sardar joke?”
In deep husky voice a man next to him says:
“Before you tell that joke Sir, I think it is fair to inform that you are drunk for sure, you should know 5 things about this place…
1. Bartender is Sardar,
2. Bouncer is Sardar,
3. I’m a 6 feet tall, 260 LB Sardar with a black belt,
4. Man sitting next to me is Sardar and is a professional weightlifter.
5. Man to your right is a Sardar and a professional wrestler.
Now think about it. Do you still wanna tell that joke?”
The drunk Bengali dada thinks for a second, shakes his head and declares:
“Na Baba Na…..
Who’s gonna explain the same joke 5 times !!”
Anil and Sunil both have fallen in love with Geeta and express their desire to marry her. She is confused. She goes to an astrologer and asks ….
“Anil and Sunil are both in love with me, please tell me who will be the lucky one?”
The wise old astrologer says:
“Anil will be the lucky one …..
Sunil will marry you …..
😷Height of Fashion 👳
Lungi with a zip.
😐Height of Laziness 😪
Asking lift for morning walk.
😱Height of Craziness 😉
Get blank paper xerox.
😜Height of Honesty 😌
Pregnant woman taking 2 tickets.
👼Height of De-Hydration 😔
Cow giving milk powder.
👍Height of Hope 😒
A 99 yr. Old woman going for 295/-recharge to get lifetime incoming.
😫Height of Stupidity 😵
Looking through key hole of a glass door.
😎Height of Suicide Attempt 😲
A dwarf jumps from the footpath on the road.
😅Height of Friendship 😜
It’s when your friend runs away with your wife ….
And you are really worried for your friend !!
😈Height of Attitude 😏
A Sleeping Beggar puts a Notice Board in front of Him..
Please Do not make noise by dropping coins!!
Use Currency notes.
😃Height Of Work Pressure 😤
An Employee Opens His Tiffin Box On The Road Side To See,Whether He Is Going To office, Or Coming Back From office.